Jessica's story

posted 17 Mar 2014, 14:33 by Laura Drummond   [ updated 17 Mar 2014, 14:36 ]

In April 2011 me and my ex partner Joe found out we were expecting,
I took a pregnancy test, and it took what felt like forever for that little line to turn up, but when it did, it was a beautiful line.
We started planning for her arrival, and had to attend a lot of consultant appointments as it was a high risk pregnancy.
Every time we saw the little baby on the screen bounce and wriggle about at scans, we fell more in love.
At our 20 week scan, we got told it was a little girl, and then our love grew even more, we started telling people, and they started sending dresses, and cute little girlie outfits.
When we reached 27 weeks, I went into premature labour, so I got admitted into Newcross hospital in Wolverhampton, and I was in for a week, I got given steroid injections, and was under close observation. And sure enough the labour stopped which we were thankful for.
Then at 33 weeks, I woke up after being in bed ill for the past week, with stomach pains. I went into the toilet to find creamy blood, I figured it was my mucus plus, because along with the pains and this, It did feel like labour.
I then got on the phone to my birthing partner Beth Simspson, she came straight round, and she agreed, it sounded like labour. So we got excited. I knew the hospital could do nothing except keep me under observation. There was nothing to stop the labour, nor make Jessica's lungs stronger, as I'd had all that previously.
So Joe was running around packing things flapping, and me and Beth were sat down, talking. I was adamant I had to do the labour as natural as possible.
As the contractions got closer together, we were getting more excited. then as they were 5 minutes apart. I went upstairs to get changed.
What I then found shocked me as all this blood poured out as I sat on the toilet. I knew instantly something was wrong so we rushed off to the hospital.
By this time the pains were 3 minutes apart and I was in a lot of pain by now.
The porter took 12 minutes to get a wheelchair. as I was in the car freaking out.
I got taken into the delivery suite. and that's when my life changed forever.
There was all these doctors and nurses around me, strapping me to machinery, trying to find her heartbeat. but they struggled. she kept moving as I had the pains. then I saw the nurse shake her head. It wasn't contractions I were having, they brought in a scanning machine, and I saw my little girl on the tv. Her heart rate was at 104 bpm, but she was still alive.
Beth put her hand on mine, and her hand on my stomach. telling me everything would be OK. Jessica gave one all mighty kick, and we both smiled and giggled.
The doctors finished examining me, then said I had to go into surgery there and then. And I'd have to be asleep. I did not want this.
But when I got into the theatre I got given one chance to be awake, one only. Thankfully even though I hate needles with a huge passion. it worked, and I was allowed to be awake.
I begged and pleaded for Beth to be with me, the room was packed to the rafters of all these doctors, nurses, and other people. I was so terrified and in shock. My daughter was born, and I lay there. Asking when she was going to cry, and it was taking forever to get operated on. Joe entered the theatre looking scared.
What was to happen next, has changed mine, my partners, Beths' and all of our close friends and family's lives forever.
The 7 people working on my littler girl came over, theatre hats in hand,
My little girl was too weak to live.
She was born asleep, and they had tried to get her breathing for 20 minutes.
But she was to weak.
I had become a angel mummy when I wanted and ached to be a mummy.
To a healthy, crying baby.
the theatre fell silent, then I heard tears. lots and lots of people crying,
My partner saying no over and over again, and collapsing into Beths' arms, her crying, I was looking around begging for it to have been my imagination. Then I realised it wasn't and I began sobbing uncontrollably.
We got to spend four days with her asleep, she would sleep of a night time in the Eden room, a specialised room for angel babies. then spend cuddle times in with me and my partner in a specialised flat for bereaved parents.

Our angel passed away on the 27th of October, at 7:56am weighing 2lb 12oz.

We Laid Jessica to rest on the 25th of November at 1:30pm..
I was in shock. My partner Joe carried her down our road, then we all got into the limo and had Jessie on our laps.
The drive felt like the longest drive ever.
When we arrived at the chapel there was so many people there.. so many faces.. so many people who loved Jess it made my heart melt.
I remember holding onto her butterfly light I got from the town centre a few nights before. it played horrible play music.. did our nuts in.. but u could turn it off and put just the lights on. They were so beautiful.
I forgot her poem on the day of her funeral. it got "mislaid" at our house.
So i stood up to read her, her poem, but I didn't have it with me.
I froze. I couldn't say anything. All I could see was this little white box so I stood there, arm in arm with Beth whilst she read her poem.
We all carried her down to her bed, passing her from loved one to loved one. People we trusted. People who we knew loves her.
I don't remember much from when she was going into her bed. I just remember crying and seeing this little white box going into the ground.
But we did it! She got her bed. Shes in her forever bed.........